Sharing my journey

This is not easy for me to do because taking off my mask means getting naked, it means to bear my soul out to you.  It also means Im letting you into my light but also my darkness.  You see I know we all wear masks, we all in our solitude, if we do allow ourselves to be alone with our self, our ego, we discover our hidden truths.  Its difficult to confront those things that as humans we all face.  I for a long time was not happy, and when I say happy it does not mean that I didn't love my life or didn't think I was blessed, I just didn't feel fulfilled if that makes sense.  I constantly was preoccupied in my mind with finding my true purpose or my true 'calling'.  And the feeling that comes with not feeling accomplished or successful is not pretty.  You get sad, you feel like a loser, and you think you will never find your true passion.  You question yourself, you say Im I good enough? and then comes comparison, oh look at this person they are so ...

Change is sometimes hard to accept, hard to come to terms with right?.  Sometimes we lose a relative, a child, or we are hit with an illness, we lose our home, we are let go from a job, these things can happen unexpectedly to anyone.  I remember when I was told my mom had breast cancer, I also remember where I was and exactly how I felt when I was on the phone with the counselor from the hospital.  My heart just dropped, I couldn't process the w ords that she was telling me.  It was like an out of body experience, I was there but my spirit just couldn't bear the news.  It was my mom who called me to tell me the news, but she couldn't finish telling me and handed her phone to the hospital counselor.  The counselor then proceeds to tell me your mom has stage 3 breast cancer, it is very aggressive, that word aggressive paralyzed me right there and I couldn't hear anymore.  After the phone call I proceeded to go back to my desk at work, and I remember my c...

I remember sitting in my sofa with my head up almost as if I was looking up to the sky and asking God, the universe how I ended up here with Cancer.  I was thinking of the plans I had for this year, of traveling, growing my business, and now all of that had come to a stop.  I kept having this conversation in my head with God.  How at 33 years of age I was handed this illness, why me? But then in that same conversation I said to God, I know these were my plans, and I had many things I wanted to do, but I let go and let you guide me and let your plans be done in my life.  After I had this conversation with God, I then just get my phone and get on Instagram because that is what we do right when we don't have nothing else to do, we just look at our phones.  So I scroll through my Instagram and the first post I see stops me cold, as I read it I was amazed at how every single word in that post was for me.  It was weird, but throughout my lifetime I seen 'weird' o...

Vulnerability is needed Everyone always uses this quote, and it seems to be true as I discovered for myself  "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice"-Bob Marley.  Vulnerability is sometimes needed to help us understand that we are human, that life is more than just taking selfies, going on trips, and just living.  Vulnerability allows us to discover who we are, our flaws, our hidden selves, and understand that life is not meant to just live for yourself but to also be of service to others.  I learned this in a very deep way after I had surgery on June 20th. I have been open about my cancer, but never shared about my surgery which had to happen before receiving chemo.  My surgery on June 20th consisted of removing a tumor which was about the size of the core of an apple from my colon.  That is where the cancer started, and also spread to my liver, which is the reason why now Im receiving chemotherapy treatment....

What are we afraid of? "We must be willing to let go of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us" by Joseph Campbell.  This was one of the many quotes I decided to put on my vision board for this year 2018.  I remember I hesitated for a few minutes to put it down on my board.  I went back and forth holding it in my hands not sure if I wanted to put it.  The words in this quote scared me a little and I couldn't put it.  I finally had my husband read it and give me his input, and all he said 'put it if you want to, is up to you'.  I finally decided to put it, not knowing that exactly this year my life would be turned around completely, and forever change who I am.   If you read the quote carefully, it is telling you that you must be willing to give up all that you have planned, for me that was terrifying.  I mean, I have dreams, and goals I want to accomplish this year.  But what I realized after being ...

Life will never be the same for me after being diagnosed with Cancer on May 25, 2018.  It came so quick, so unexpected; I wasn't ready for that.  When the doctor showed me the results of my MRI stating I had a mass in the colon and innumerable masses in the liver, I just listened and kind of zoned out as well.  Once he left the room, and it was just me and my mom in that room I began to cry.  I mean it just came out, as I thought about my children, and for the first time about death.  I couldn't understand how I had that which I feared; Cancer!   You see my mom had breast cancer in 2012, it was an aggressive one stage 3.  She went through chemo, radiation and surgery.  I knew chemo is a tough medicine and causes a lot of different side effects, and I saw how my mom lost all her hair and was never the same person she was before.  I was told by my doctor that colon cancer is not related to breast cancer, which they didn't know the cause...