Taking off the mask: To the unheard dreams, to the unheard cries

This is not easy for me to do because taking off my mask means getting naked, it means to bear my soul out to you.  It also means Im letting you into my light but also my darkness.  You see I know we all wear masks, we all in our solitude, if we do allow ourselves to be alone with our self, our ego, we discover our hidden truths.  Its difficult to confront those things that as humans we all face.  I for a long time was not happy, and when I say happy it does not mean that I didn't love my life or didn't think I was blessed, I just didn't feel fulfilled if that makes sense.  I constantly was preoccupied in my mind with finding my true purpose or my true 'calling'.  And the feeling that comes with not feeling accomplished or successful is not pretty.  You get sad, you feel like a loser, and you think you will never find your true passion.  You question yourself, you say Im I good enough? and then comes comparison, oh look at this person they are so good at what they do, she is kicking ass, I can't never do what she does, who is going to like my work, who is going to read my writings, who is going to buy my product.?  We are continuously questioning ourselves.  Do you know how many dreams have gone into the abyss and hidden deep within our souls?

 I had to stop questioning myself, doubting myself, and finally sit down and feel the light and darkness within me.  We all have those parts of us that we don't like, or feelings that we do not want to feel because is too painful to go there, but I had to do that.  After being diagnosed with Cancer, I realized it was actually a blessing.  I say a blessing because it enlightened my soul, my being, and why I exist.  I never had this realization before Cancer,  I was enlightened in my dark moments.  Barbara Brown Taylor stated 'success is hardly ever your true self, is only your early window dressing.  It gives you some momentum for the journey but it is never the real goal' and then she said 'we have to embrace darkness.' Those words resonated with me when I heard them in her interview with Oprah.  It allowed me to see success in a different aspect.  Society teaches us that you should find what you like and earn a lot of money so you can buy all the material things you like, plus own a home, and that is success.  But is it really? Well I have to tell you is not, true success is defined by you and should on your own terms.  For me there is no greater feeling than being of service, to see other people find their own light, their worth, their true self.  It brings me joy to write and share my rawness, my true self with you in the hopes of you finding your authentic self.  Nelson Mandela said 'there is nothing better to keep you active and healthy than to do something for those who cannot help themselves.  A true leader does not put his own interest above those of others.'  This is why today I find joy in what I do which is writing my story, sharing my fears, my joyful moments that which connects us all, and makes us human.  I share my love for fashion which just like us is always evolving, and a way to express ourselves with our style.  I am forever evolving, and learning about myself.  Don't think you have to be perfect, be yourself and never give up on yourself.  I am battling Cancer today, and have more life now than I ever did.  Sometimes we have to get hit with something such as an illness or the loss of a relative to push us to the light within ourselves.  Allow yourself to feel and make mistakes; if you are seeking perfection that is equivalent to fear.  So go ahead and bring your idea, your dream to fruition.   It is never too late! I am 33 years old and I have to tell you it took Cancer and 33 years for me to start working on my dreams.   Peace and love

Sincerely,

Millie