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Vulnerability is needed

Everyone always uses this quote, and it seems to be true as I discovered for myself  "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice"-Bob Marley.  Vulnerability is sometimes needed to help us understand that we are human, that life is more than just taking selfies, going on trips, and just living.  Vulnerability allows us to discover who we are, our flaws, our hidden selves, and understand that life is not meant to just live for yourself but to also be of service to others.  I learned this in a very deep way after I had surgery on June 20th.

I have been open about my cancer, but never shared about my surgery which had to happen before receiving chemo.  My surgery on June 20th consisted of removing a tumor which was about the size of the core of an apple from my colon.  That is where the cancer started, and also spread to my liver, which is the reason why now Im receiving chemotherapy treatment.  After the surgery I had to of course stay home and recover for about 3 weeks.  And omg those 3 weeks were the toughest weeks of my 33 years of life.  I felt powerless, hopeless, and almost gave up.  However, my family and I think that we are not strong alone, we become strong because of the people around us, and God.  I knew alone I would not be able to handle this.  I remember on several occasions while at home after surgery just crying because I felt frustration, I had to depend on others to bathe me, yes something that I was able to do myself, now I had my mother in law and mom bathe me.  I couldn't get up by myself, I couldn't cook for myself, I mean it was a total dependency, and it broke me.  But it also taught me about human connection and dependence.  It was during those three weeks that I learned the beauty of being of service to others, I saw how my mother in law would wake up having her own health issues as well, she would cook for me, make my bed, and my mom would clean, comfort me when I would cry or felt hopeless.  

Nevertheless what really helped me stay strong was my faith in God and prayer.  I had to pray for strength everyday, and know that this was just a bump in the road.  All of these components have given me strength to keep going, to keep fighting, to have positive attitude everyday.  I learned to appreciate life because we are here momentarily, and to be grateful for all I have  because I wasn't at one time.  I would constantly strive to seek success, to have this and that, though I learned that I had it all, that my children bring me happiness, that my husband has literally been there through the good and bad times, and his family is my family as well.  

Unfortunately many of us get to experience this when we are hit with an illness, or the death of a close relative, etc.  Don't wait for difficulties to come to start appreciating life and those around you.  Instead seek what you can do for someone else today, maybe you have a friend who is sick, or is going through a tough moment in their lives.  Start meditating and be with yourself, do that which you been wanting to do for a while, maybe learn a new language, to blog, design, whatever it is try it.  Is ok to make mistakes, we are flawed, and evolving.  I am on that self discovery, and going for what I want in life, and you should too.  If you are facing an illness, keep pushing my friend dont give up, I am rooting for you.  Let my journey encourage you and motivate you to not let fear get in the way.  Leave your comments or questions and I will be happy to talk to you.  Much blessings to you always 

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