Embracing Change

Change is sometimes hard to accept, hard to come to terms with right?.  Sometimes we lose a relative, a child, or we are hit with an illness, we lose our home, we are let go from a job, these things can happen unexpectedly to anyone.  I remember when I was told my mom had breast cancer, I also remember where I was and exactly how I felt when I was on the phone with the counselor from the hospital.  My heart just dropped, I couldn't process the words that she was telling me.  It was like an out of body experience, I was there but my spirit just couldn't bear the news.  It was my mom who called me to tell me the news, but she couldn't finish telling me and handed her phone to the hospital counselor.  The counselor then proceeds to tell me your mom has stage 3 breast cancer, it is very aggressive, that word aggressive paralyzed me right there and I couldn't hear anymore.  After the phone call I proceeded to go back to my desk at work, and I remember my co worker coming up behind me asking me if I was ok, and it was like I couldn't hold it; I began crying non stop.  This was the first time in my life where I was hit with something so serious and I wasn't ready for it.  I wanted to stop time, to go back and change everything but I couldn't.    Now forward 6 years later and then Im told I have Colon Cancer.  I was ill for a couple of months now, and I didn't know what was causing it.  Never would I have thought it was cancer that was making me lose my appetite, lose an excessive amount of weight; I just thought I had gallbladder issues. I mean Im only 33 years old, why would I get Cancer, and I thought I was a healthy individual.  So here I am again dealing with this life changing illness.  I was upset, feeling hopeless, didn't understand how it could happen to me.  And no it wasn't because my mom had breast cancer; the doctors told me there is no link between breast cancer and colon cancer.  It is actually very rare for young people to get colon cancer, it usually happens to people 50 and older.  It took me some time to accept this news; to accept change.  It is easy to be happy when life is going your way, it is easy to be grateful when you have health, but when you are hit with changes that turn your life upside down, now that is when you are tested.  

After cancer, I been dealing with lots of changes due to chemotherapy treatment.  When you receive chemo your body goes through changes that you are not ready for.  This treatment kills your bad cells but also the good ones.  That means that your immune system is not as strong as a healthy person, your skin, and your body goes through changes.  I been dealing with excessive dry skin, acne in my face, chest, and back.  My hair has been thinning, I get constipated right after chemo, fatigue, and weight loss.  I am not sure what other changes will be coming, but I realized that this has also been a blessing for the way it has changed my life, my sense of gratitude, and realizing that life is very short.  Change is inevitable for us all, and I do wholeheartedly believe that 'life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it'.  I can choose to be depressed, angry, bitter and all those negative emotions that are easy to feel because I did feel them at the beginning, but at the same time I realized how strong I can be, that is easier to give up than keep on fighting.  We cannot let our current situation and what life hits us with stop us from living.  If I die tomorrow I don't want to leave without a fight.  We all have a purpose here on Earth, you have something that others need, find it, is never too late.  You have the choice to change your mindset, you are deserving of living the life you want.  Welcome change, and embrace it, you never know where it will take you.  Love and peace to you.