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Enjoy the process while in pain

What does it mean to enjoy the process while going through an illness, the loss of a relative, the loss of a job, a home, and so much more.  What does it truly mean to enjoy when death becomes real to you? 
 I have asked this question to myself for the past 8 months after being diagnosed with Cancer.  So many good answers came out of this, so many good things have come out after being diagnosed with this illness.  In the past I would not have been able to answer this question for you because I was too busy trying to trying to make a future, and was not being present in the moment of it all.  I was too busy trying to speed up the process, instead of enjoying it.  The process in my own words is what we call the journey, the good but also the bad, the trying moments in our lives that we try to escape.  We as humans don't like to feel pain, loneliness, or anything that causes a shift in our lives right?  We escape the process of the 'bad moments' by doing things that carry us away from the pain, whether is through drugs, alcohol, food, or being in the company of many people just to not be alone with our pain.  But when you are forced to accept the process because you are confronted with it, there is no way you can run away when a prognosis is given such as Cancer.  You either accept the challenge or stay in denial.  I choose the first choice;  I had to accept even though I didn't want to believe it.  But I had to decide right there to accept yet another challenge in my life, and turn it into something positive.  It sounds easier said than done as the saying goes, but you have to be willing to fight all the way through.  A boxer does not give up in a fight you see him or her fighting until he/she can't.  A real boxer who enters a fight must be ready and if a punch catches him by surprise he needs to get back up and fight despite the bruises, the pain and discomfort. 

To turn pain, trials, struggles, tribulations into a positive situation you have to first know that is all in the mind.  I can say for me my mind is like another world, it has this constant non stop chatterbox inside.  Sometimes is dark and sometimes is light, it depends you know? But overall I allow myself to feel my feelings of anger, sadness, discouragement, disappointment for a moment and then permit the good words, to come in.  Someone on the Oprah podcast once said 'you have to allow darkness to come in; as a society we are conditioned to think that is a bad thing to allow negative feelings to come'.  We are taught to instead get rid of them and always seek for the light.  But what about if we just allow them to sit with us, and then once you become aware of your feelings, just ask yourself why you are feeling that way without any judgment.  To enjoy the process doesn't mean that you will not go through emotional turmoil, you have to know that in order for you to grow this is all part of the process.  In the past few years I have learned more about myself and my strength because of all the obstacles that have come into my life.  While many days have been of sadness, tears and cries of not knowing what will happen to me, and asking myself will I make it?   Many have also been of gratitude, and aha moments of God showing me his everlasting love, and his word when I ask questions.  And somehow this invisible being is able to show me that I can fight whatever is put in front of me, this leaves me speechless.  How can a God I cannot see cause so much joy in me? I know this because without a doubt every time I have been through paths of darkness God always has a word for me that uplifts me and reminds that I am not alone in this process.  It can be as simple as I once shared in another blog post in which I was sitting alone in my living room thinking about my life.  I was questioning why at age 33 I was diagnosed with Cancer, what happened to all the plans I had for that year, and what I had put in my vision board.  And right there I see someone sharing a word on social media that answered my question in such a way that after that I just had to say thank you to the Universe.  This has not only been a one time thing for me, it has happened several times.  You might call it coincidence, but I call it God and the Universe answering my soul questions.   

If you are currently experiencing emotional turmoil, and cannot see the light is time to do something different.  Do not fall victim of your mind, and what others say around you.  First acknowledge your feelings, your situation and ask yourself what happens if I face this even if it hurts, and then just let it go.  I remember telling my therapist as she asked me what thoughts come into my head that makes me sad.  I said to her sometimes I think about my children and not wanting them to lose their mom, and have to suffer.  She then tells me 'ok that's normal to think that, but ask yourself what will happen if they do lose their mom? 'Yes they might suffer but they will be fine, they will grow into fine adults and learn to cope.'  She reminded me that we are all one day going to face death; that is the reality of life, and I can either dwell on the thought or just confront that and then release it.  Doing this type of practice has helped me mentally.  But know that not one thing alone is what does the magic, is a constant work.  But you can definitely enjoy the process while in pain.  Peace and love

Millie

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