What were the symptoms?
What did you feel before you found out you had Cancer?
I get these questions from people who know me, but also from the nurses who draw my blood before a procedure has to be done. Usually people ask the question and a second later say 'you know because you are so young'. My response is usually 'yea you are right especially for Colon Cancer, due to it being more common on people who are 50 years or older. However, my primary doctor told me in the past 5 years he has seen an increase in younger people being diagnosed with Colon Cancer.
Mine is stage IV which you might say 'holy crap, what is your survival rate?' And when I say stage IV it means that the Cancer did metastasis; in other words it spread to other parts of my body other than the colon. Usually in Colon Cancer when it spreads it tends to spread to the liver. So yes mine did spread to my liver. Can you believe I did not ask my oncologist what is the survival rate for this type of Cancer. I think I was in a state of shock because in my mind that was the last thing I thought I had. Im not going to lie I did think about Cancer one time when I felt a little lump under my breast; it wouldn't be strange to me to hear that since my mom had Breast Cancer in 2012. And I remember asking my gynecologist about the little lump I was feeling under my breast, and inquiring of when I can start doing mammograms. My gynecologist asked me at what age my mom had Breast Cancer and I said at 48 years old, and she stated that meant I would have to do it 10 years before the age my mom had it which would be 38 years old. But the point now is that I did not get diagnosed with Breast Cancer because that little lump was a cyst, but instead a few years later I got diagnosed with Colon Cancer. So how the heck did I get it? and just so you know; I did not get it because of my mom having Breast Cancer in 2012, as my oncologist said 'there is no link between Breast Cancer and Colon Cancer'. They were not sure why I got it; especially at such a young age. But at this point it wasn't time for me to think about 'why me'? 'what did I do wrong?' or 'what is going to happen to me?'. I had to act quick and surrender to the unknown, to the uncertainty of my new life.
Let me start with telling you that I was that person, yes that person who was very negligent with her health. Believe me I did blame myself at the beginning for having this illness, more so when I learned the symptoms of detecting Colon Cancer early on. I remember a few years ago and sorry for the TMI but you want to know the symptoms and what I felt before I was learned I had Cancer right? So going back I remember one time seeing blood in my stool and I found it odd since I never had that happen to me, and I was not constipated, I never suffered from constipation. Do you think I went to the doctor to find out why there was blood in my stool? well no I didn't, and maybe you would tell me then you know what you caused this upon yourself because you did not check yourself when you saw that. Im not sure how long it takes for Cancer to go from stage 0-4, but this was 4 years ago, and I did not see blood in my stool ever again. Fast forward to 4 years later, on February 4, 2018 exactly on the day I was born and turned 33 years old I felt a pain on the right side of my belly. I remember coming home that day from work, and my husband had prepared a beautiful dinner for me, I can still taste it in my mouth. Ok I will tell you what it was since you are insisting, are you ready? oh my it was skirt steak, with lobster, mashed potatoes, and garlic bread on the side. It was delicious, finger licking delicious. Not long after finishing this delicious meal I started feeling a sharp pain as I mentioned earlier on the right side of my belly, which almost took my breath away. I decided to lay in my bed, and as I laid there I began feeling a sharp pain in my right shoulder. I tell my husband of this pain and he tells me 'that sounds like your gallbladder, I had that pain before' I then proceed to search you guessed right in Google for symptoms of gallbladder attack, and it stated exactly what I was feeling. It said if you feel pain in your gallbladder it would be on the right side since that is where is located, and pain in your right shoulder, loss of appetite, loss of weight. To me that made sense, since I was noticing my appetite was changing a little before this pain attacked my body, and I was losing weight as well. I decided to make an appointment to get my gallbladder checked and if it was that indeed all I would need is surgery which is a minor one. This was in February as you remember and I didn't see a doctor until April due to the fact that I was a new patient. In April I went to my appointment, I had blood work done, and I asked my doctor to do an ultrasound of the gallbladder, and thyroid since some people were telling me to check my thyroid being that I was losing a lot of weight and appetite for no reason. I later learned that the symptoms I was having were also symptoms for Colon Cancer. I did have other symptoms such as cramps in my lower part of the belly, and I would go to the bathroom and not feel that I was completely done. These last two symptoms I mentioned are more specific to Colon Cancer which I did have. My stool was also coming out in pencil like form which is another symptom. It is important I now know to listen to your body, and to the signs is giving you. It is better to get yourself checked and maybe have things detected early rather than later. The more advanced is a Cancer the less chances you have of curing it. Perhaps I could have caught it earlier if I would go to the doctor annually and get a physical done every year, but I didn't. What mattered at this point is what I did with what I had.
A week later my doctor calls me to go to his office to discuss the results. Well to my surprise, the doctor tells me 'your cholesterol came out high, your hemoglobin count is low, which is anemia, but what worried me the most was in the results my white blood cells were extremely high which meant they were fighting an infection, and my liver came out high in the blood work as well. My doctor then asked me if I drink, or use drugs, or if I had blood transfusion in the past. I tell him at that time in my life I used to drink occasionally, didn't do drugs, and, never had a blood transfusion. He tells me because my liver was showing high in the blood work it could be hepatitis. But also the results from the ultrasound showed that my liver 'had innumerable masses hemangioma' and they were now requesting an MRI to show with more details what is in the liver. I did get nervous, and was very overwhelmed when I saw these results. I now had to wait to do an MRI test and more blood work to see if I had hepatitis. Since me and my doctor didn't know what was going on with me I asked him if it was possible it could be a parasite since I was losing too much weight, and had no appetite. My doctor said it was possible and he can have my stool checked for parasites. The results came and you can pretty much guess that my nerves and level of anxiety were high for all these weeks of tests, and just waiting to see what I had. Well, results came in for the MRI test I had done, and the second round of blood work. I knew I definitely had a serious illness when the doctor called me to his office the same day I had done the MRI to give me the results. As soon as I received that call from his office to go in immediately, I knew something was terribly wrong with me. I felt it was Cancer due to the early findings in my liver through the ultrasound test. I went to the office on May 25, 2018 and the doctor handed me the results of the MRI which said as follow: 'innumerable masses were found on the liver, but also a mass the size of a core of an apple in the colon, which was worrisome, and were now requesting a colonoscopy to further check the colon.' My doctor explained to me there that he did not know what could have caused the mass in my colon because as I mentioned earlier it is rare to see Colon Cancer in people younger than 50, but he did state there has been an increase in the past 5 years in younger people. This was when the journey to healing began. I had a colonoscopy done a few weeks later which confirmed I had Colon Cancer stage 4 and had to receive surgery right away to remove the tumor in my colon, and then chemotherapy for the tumors in my liver.
Please know that Cancer can happen to anyone. It does not discriminate against gender, race, social economic status, or age. Over the past few years there has been an increase in both young children and young adults getting diagnosed with some form of Cancer. I am now done with chemotherapy, which for me lasted 6 months. And what's next for me is to undergo surgery again but for my liver. But in between this chaotic journey I have found peace, love, serenity, and myself again. I have shed lots of tears, had moments of breakdown, but also had many moments of laughter, of precious moments with my children, and husband. I have seen the kindness of many, but also the distance in people who I thought would be there in the dark times. Cancer teaches you to live again, to find your purpose, to appreciate life, to not rush things because you are gone in an instant. You might get angry sometimes but you let go of it rather quickly than hold unto it because there is no point in holding on to anger, it just creates bad energy for you. You learn to not expect or hold expectations for people because you will probably get disappointed, and you learn that happiness is not created or in the external things, but is within you when you start seeing the beauty in yourself, around you, and those who love you. Yes its true once you have Cancer, and are free of Cancer you will have that tiny fear for the rest of your life of thinking that it can come back. But I can assure you that life is worth living, and it is worth loving every second of it. While I am here on Earth I want to be of service, to give, to help uplift others, and enrich their lives through my story, my struggles, and the faith I have had throughout all this. I wanted to share with you my symptoms, but there is more than just symptoms. What really causes Cancer? We don't know yet, but there are many components that help once you know you have Cancer in the healing process.
The journey to recovery is not easy is filled with curbs, hills, mountains, rain, sunshine; I mean is really made for you to stay strong and withhold any storm. This process turns into a spiritual process if you allow it, if you are open to believe in the unknown; in miracles, and in looking into what some call 'the soul'. Many factors helped me and continue to help me in getting healthy. You are forced to seek every aspect of yourself when learning you have Cancer. For me I been doing the work of the body, mind, and soul. One of the first steps is to incorporate a healthy eating diet, for Colon Cancer is good to carry a plant based diet, it is important to cut out red meat, processed foods, cold cuts, and instead add fish which is rich in omega 3. But another very important component in the process of healing is support; emotional support, and love. I been blessed to have a small circle who has taken care of me, and has loved me throughout this journey. My children give me the strength to fight and continue going. I decided halfway through my treatment to speak to a therapist, and that helped me so much, because you might have all the support and love, but sometimes there are feelings and emotions that you feel as a Cancer patient that no one else can understand, at least for me I felt I needed to see someone. We sometimes carry past pain and hurts with us, and letting go for your health, for your emotional wellbeing is important. I remember having a conversation with my husband about wanting to go see a therapist and he just said 'go ahead, do whatever you need to do to feel better'. It is important for you to listen, just listen to your loved one if they are going through Cancer, ask them how they are doing, take them out, but don't have pity because the last thing you want to make them feel is that you think they are not capable of doing things because of an illness. I am forever indebted to my husband because he has been my best friend in all of this, my mother in law that lady is just the most selfless human being I've ever met. Our bond grew even more after this, and I can say this is truly the beauty in Cancer; the relationships you form, but the awakening that happens to your soul during this rollercoaster. My cousin Diana you don't know how much I appreciate all the times you travelled from Tampa to come see me, and make me laugh, take me out, let me sleep, and danced like a maniac with me. My family has been there and friends I just met. These little moments are forever implanted in my heart. I now understand this quote Maya Angelou once said 'people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel' this woman knew what she was talking about because there is no better truth than that. But you want me to tell you the most important component of this whole process that has allowed me to still be here? my strength, my healing, and the fact that I am still here has come from that which I cannot see with my eyes, but can feel, and see it in the people around me, and the miracles that happen in me. The countless of prayers I have received, and the countless of prayers I have with my God, have given me life. I cannot say enough thank you's to all the people who have prayed for me, I am humbled by this because there is something powerful that happens when many people come together without personally knowing you and pray for you. God has been real in my life, and continues to be. God is love, God is in the air I breathe, God is the beauty in nature that I see that happens without an explanation, and its so perfect. God is in the way we are so delicately, and perfectly made in our mother's womb; that in itself is a miracle, if you really stop right now for a second and think of how that process happens, its just astonishing, and difficult to comprehend. How does it all happen? I cannot look at the ocean, see how the waves move, and think wow how does this happen, how did this happen before I was even here.
God is in me and you, in the way we treat others no matter where they come from, what is their faith or sexual orientation. Love people for who they are not what they do, or can give you. Love can conquer it all. If you just learned you have an illness today I send you healing, and a big hug, and this word 'be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
Peace and love
Millie
What did you feel before you found out you had Cancer?
I get these questions from people who know me, but also from the nurses who draw my blood before a procedure has to be done. Usually people ask the question and a second later say 'you know because you are so young'. My response is usually 'yea you are right especially for Colon Cancer, due to it being more common on people who are 50 years or older. However, my primary doctor told me in the past 5 years he has seen an increase in younger people being diagnosed with Colon Cancer.
Mine is stage IV which you might say 'holy crap, what is your survival rate?' And when I say stage IV it means that the Cancer did metastasis; in other words it spread to other parts of my body other than the colon. Usually in Colon Cancer when it spreads it tends to spread to the liver. So yes mine did spread to my liver. Can you believe I did not ask my oncologist what is the survival rate for this type of Cancer. I think I was in a state of shock because in my mind that was the last thing I thought I had. Im not going to lie I did think about Cancer one time when I felt a little lump under my breast; it wouldn't be strange to me to hear that since my mom had Breast Cancer in 2012. And I remember asking my gynecologist about the little lump I was feeling under my breast, and inquiring of when I can start doing mammograms. My gynecologist asked me at what age my mom had Breast Cancer and I said at 48 years old, and she stated that meant I would have to do it 10 years before the age my mom had it which would be 38 years old. But the point now is that I did not get diagnosed with Breast Cancer because that little lump was a cyst, but instead a few years later I got diagnosed with Colon Cancer. So how the heck did I get it? and just so you know; I did not get it because of my mom having Breast Cancer in 2012, as my oncologist said 'there is no link between Breast Cancer and Colon Cancer'. They were not sure why I got it; especially at such a young age. But at this point it wasn't time for me to think about 'why me'? 'what did I do wrong?' or 'what is going to happen to me?'. I had to act quick and surrender to the unknown, to the uncertainty of my new life.
Let me start with telling you that I was that person, yes that person who was very negligent with her health. Believe me I did blame myself at the beginning for having this illness, more so when I learned the symptoms of detecting Colon Cancer early on. I remember a few years ago and sorry for the TMI but you want to know the symptoms and what I felt before I was learned I had Cancer right? So going back I remember one time seeing blood in my stool and I found it odd since I never had that happen to me, and I was not constipated, I never suffered from constipation. Do you think I went to the doctor to find out why there was blood in my stool? well no I didn't, and maybe you would tell me then you know what you caused this upon yourself because you did not check yourself when you saw that. Im not sure how long it takes for Cancer to go from stage 0-4, but this was 4 years ago, and I did not see blood in my stool ever again. Fast forward to 4 years later, on February 4, 2018 exactly on the day I was born and turned 33 years old I felt a pain on the right side of my belly. I remember coming home that day from work, and my husband had prepared a beautiful dinner for me, I can still taste it in my mouth. Ok I will tell you what it was since you are insisting, are you ready? oh my it was skirt steak, with lobster, mashed potatoes, and garlic bread on the side. It was delicious, finger licking delicious. Not long after finishing this delicious meal I started feeling a sharp pain as I mentioned earlier on the right side of my belly, which almost took my breath away. I decided to lay in my bed, and as I laid there I began feeling a sharp pain in my right shoulder. I tell my husband of this pain and he tells me 'that sounds like your gallbladder, I had that pain before' I then proceed to search you guessed right in Google for symptoms of gallbladder attack, and it stated exactly what I was feeling. It said if you feel pain in your gallbladder it would be on the right side since that is where is located, and pain in your right shoulder, loss of appetite, loss of weight. To me that made sense, since I was noticing my appetite was changing a little before this pain attacked my body, and I was losing weight as well. I decided to make an appointment to get my gallbladder checked and if it was that indeed all I would need is surgery which is a minor one. This was in February as you remember and I didn't see a doctor until April due to the fact that I was a new patient. In April I went to my appointment, I had blood work done, and I asked my doctor to do an ultrasound of the gallbladder, and thyroid since some people were telling me to check my thyroid being that I was losing a lot of weight and appetite for no reason. I later learned that the symptoms I was having were also symptoms for Colon Cancer. I did have other symptoms such as cramps in my lower part of the belly, and I would go to the bathroom and not feel that I was completely done. These last two symptoms I mentioned are more specific to Colon Cancer which I did have. My stool was also coming out in pencil like form which is another symptom. It is important I now know to listen to your body, and to the signs is giving you. It is better to get yourself checked and maybe have things detected early rather than later. The more advanced is a Cancer the less chances you have of curing it. Perhaps I could have caught it earlier if I would go to the doctor annually and get a physical done every year, but I didn't. What mattered at this point is what I did with what I had.
A week later my doctor calls me to go to his office to discuss the results. Well to my surprise, the doctor tells me 'your cholesterol came out high, your hemoglobin count is low, which is anemia, but what worried me the most was in the results my white blood cells were extremely high which meant they were fighting an infection, and my liver came out high in the blood work as well. My doctor then asked me if I drink, or use drugs, or if I had blood transfusion in the past. I tell him at that time in my life I used to drink occasionally, didn't do drugs, and, never had a blood transfusion. He tells me because my liver was showing high in the blood work it could be hepatitis. But also the results from the ultrasound showed that my liver 'had innumerable masses hemangioma' and they were now requesting an MRI to show with more details what is in the liver. I did get nervous, and was very overwhelmed when I saw these results. I now had to wait to do an MRI test and more blood work to see if I had hepatitis. Since me and my doctor didn't know what was going on with me I asked him if it was possible it could be a parasite since I was losing too much weight, and had no appetite. My doctor said it was possible and he can have my stool checked for parasites. The results came and you can pretty much guess that my nerves and level of anxiety were high for all these weeks of tests, and just waiting to see what I had. Well, results came in for the MRI test I had done, and the second round of blood work. I knew I definitely had a serious illness when the doctor called me to his office the same day I had done the MRI to give me the results. As soon as I received that call from his office to go in immediately, I knew something was terribly wrong with me. I felt it was Cancer due to the early findings in my liver through the ultrasound test. I went to the office on May 25, 2018 and the doctor handed me the results of the MRI which said as follow: 'innumerable masses were found on the liver, but also a mass the size of a core of an apple in the colon, which was worrisome, and were now requesting a colonoscopy to further check the colon.' My doctor explained to me there that he did not know what could have caused the mass in my colon because as I mentioned earlier it is rare to see Colon Cancer in people younger than 50, but he did state there has been an increase in the past 5 years in younger people. This was when the journey to healing began. I had a colonoscopy done a few weeks later which confirmed I had Colon Cancer stage 4 and had to receive surgery right away to remove the tumor in my colon, and then chemotherapy for the tumors in my liver.
Please know that Cancer can happen to anyone. It does not discriminate against gender, race, social economic status, or age. Over the past few years there has been an increase in both young children and young adults getting diagnosed with some form of Cancer. I am now done with chemotherapy, which for me lasted 6 months. And what's next for me is to undergo surgery again but for my liver. But in between this chaotic journey I have found peace, love, serenity, and myself again. I have shed lots of tears, had moments of breakdown, but also had many moments of laughter, of precious moments with my children, and husband. I have seen the kindness of many, but also the distance in people who I thought would be there in the dark times. Cancer teaches you to live again, to find your purpose, to appreciate life, to not rush things because you are gone in an instant. You might get angry sometimes but you let go of it rather quickly than hold unto it because there is no point in holding on to anger, it just creates bad energy for you. You learn to not expect or hold expectations for people because you will probably get disappointed, and you learn that happiness is not created or in the external things, but is within you when you start seeing the beauty in yourself, around you, and those who love you. Yes its true once you have Cancer, and are free of Cancer you will have that tiny fear for the rest of your life of thinking that it can come back. But I can assure you that life is worth living, and it is worth loving every second of it. While I am here on Earth I want to be of service, to give, to help uplift others, and enrich their lives through my story, my struggles, and the faith I have had throughout all this. I wanted to share with you my symptoms, but there is more than just symptoms. What really causes Cancer? We don't know yet, but there are many components that help once you know you have Cancer in the healing process.
The journey to recovery is not easy is filled with curbs, hills, mountains, rain, sunshine; I mean is really made for you to stay strong and withhold any storm. This process turns into a spiritual process if you allow it, if you are open to believe in the unknown; in miracles, and in looking into what some call 'the soul'. Many factors helped me and continue to help me in getting healthy. You are forced to seek every aspect of yourself when learning you have Cancer. For me I been doing the work of the body, mind, and soul. One of the first steps is to incorporate a healthy eating diet, for Colon Cancer is good to carry a plant based diet, it is important to cut out red meat, processed foods, cold cuts, and instead add fish which is rich in omega 3. But another very important component in the process of healing is support; emotional support, and love. I been blessed to have a small circle who has taken care of me, and has loved me throughout this journey. My children give me the strength to fight and continue going. I decided halfway through my treatment to speak to a therapist, and that helped me so much, because you might have all the support and love, but sometimes there are feelings and emotions that you feel as a Cancer patient that no one else can understand, at least for me I felt I needed to see someone. We sometimes carry past pain and hurts with us, and letting go for your health, for your emotional wellbeing is important. I remember having a conversation with my husband about wanting to go see a therapist and he just said 'go ahead, do whatever you need to do to feel better'. It is important for you to listen, just listen to your loved one if they are going through Cancer, ask them how they are doing, take them out, but don't have pity because the last thing you want to make them feel is that you think they are not capable of doing things because of an illness. I am forever indebted to my husband because he has been my best friend in all of this, my mother in law that lady is just the most selfless human being I've ever met. Our bond grew even more after this, and I can say this is truly the beauty in Cancer; the relationships you form, but the awakening that happens to your soul during this rollercoaster. My cousin Diana you don't know how much I appreciate all the times you travelled from Tampa to come see me, and make me laugh, take me out, let me sleep, and danced like a maniac with me. My family has been there and friends I just met. These little moments are forever implanted in my heart. I now understand this quote Maya Angelou once said 'people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel' this woman knew what she was talking about because there is no better truth than that. But you want me to tell you the most important component of this whole process that has allowed me to still be here? my strength, my healing, and the fact that I am still here has come from that which I cannot see with my eyes, but can feel, and see it in the people around me, and the miracles that happen in me. The countless of prayers I have received, and the countless of prayers I have with my God, have given me life. I cannot say enough thank you's to all the people who have prayed for me, I am humbled by this because there is something powerful that happens when many people come together without personally knowing you and pray for you. God has been real in my life, and continues to be. God is love, God is in the air I breathe, God is the beauty in nature that I see that happens without an explanation, and its so perfect. God is in the way we are so delicately, and perfectly made in our mother's womb; that in itself is a miracle, if you really stop right now for a second and think of how that process happens, its just astonishing, and difficult to comprehend. How does it all happen? I cannot look at the ocean, see how the waves move, and think wow how does this happen, how did this happen before I was even here.
God is in me and you, in the way we treat others no matter where they come from, what is their faith or sexual orientation. Love people for who they are not what they do, or can give you. Love can conquer it all. If you just learned you have an illness today I send you healing, and a big hug, and this word 'be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
Peace and love
Millie
thank you. peace & love always
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