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Probably..........

Probably today you cried
Probably today you wanted to throw in the towel
Or probably you've been saying just take me now God, so you don't have to feel anymore
You ask what is the purpose in all of this?
I know there is some purpose; but for how long? what is the end result of all this?
You are hardly hanging onto that rope that you been pulling and pulling for dear life.
But you say I can't no more, for how long do I keep holding to this rope, for how long do I keep going?
It feels like there is no end to this agony.
You try to be strong not because you think you can't show vulnerability, but because they too have their own turmoil
Not turmoil like yours, but they are faced with challenges too that you know adding more to their plate would be too much to handle
You cry in silence, that cry is so long you grow weak after, but feel cleansed at the same time.
You feel you are at war with yourself, peeling the pieces apart, trying to figure out who you are now after Cancer.
You are a thieve Cancer, you came and robbed me of who I was, you stripped me naked.
Now I ask what is the meaning of life, of my life?
And then....just then when you have a breakdown because the burden has been getting too big to carry, just then; you get all the answers.
You hear and listen to the answers that you already knew were lying inside of you, but you just needed a reminder because you forgot who you were
That's me; I forgot who I was for a minute, for a year, but Im finding myself again.
It will take time, more healing, more growing pains, but I will find myself again.
And as I evolve, I will come to a new realization I did not know of before Cancer.

Life is not meant to be walked in a straight line, there are peaks and valleys, and mountains to climb.  When you climb up a mountain you are trying to reach the top to see how strong you are, and see the world and its beauty.  As you climb this mountain, you grow tired and stop to drink some water, and as you keep going and going thoughts of frustration start rising up in your mind.  You may grow doubtful, and then you say to yourself 'you have come this far can't give up now.'  Finally after some pull and tug in your mind, you reach the top of that mountain and realize it was worthy.  The pain, the doubt, the fear, the frustration and everything in between was what led you to the top of that mountain.  This was all necessary to open the door to the next chapter of your life.  Continue climbing that mountain, and trust the process.


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